Of Steps and Scars
by CrystalNight1
Summary: "If you move," Clare demanded, her lungs unable to work, her face filled with tears. "If you move, we're over. Do you understand?" /One-shot/


**A/N: Why am I writing such a depressing fic, you say? Well, I have no clue. But, I thought about this yesterday and I just couldn't help but write it. Oh god, this is what Japanese drama anime does to you.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and review and tell me what you thought~**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Degrassi._**

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><p>"I'm leaving."<p>

His voice was barely a whisper. They teased her and she hated it.

_I'm leaving._

Air…it felt like she was drowning in a sea of tears because she _couldn't breathe_.

_Clare. I'm leaving you._

Her breath hitched and her heart rate increased and her hands began to shake. Her eyes were saucers as they looked over the glooming figure in front of her.

_Step._

_I'm leaving._

_Step._

_Clare._

The words rung through her ears and it felt like a blade was pushed deep into her soul. It all hurt. Everything hurt.

_Where was he going?_

_Step._

_Where?_

_Step._

His calloused hand enclosed around the door knob and he breathed in. He turned it, opening the shrieking door as he did. The cold air hit him and he shivered and soon came Clare right behind him, the air entering the small apartment they had bought together.

"If you move," Clare demanded, her lungs unable to work, her face filled with tears. "If you move, we're over. Do you understand?"

He gave no heed to her, though, and stepped outside their home and began to walk. He turned left and was greeted by metal stairs that led down to the rode. His bag hung loose on his shoulder as he stopped on the first step of the stair case.

And he breathed out.

_Ste-_

"No!" He heard her yell, her cracking voice very much unwelcome to his ears.

Her footsteps came closer to him and he took in a breath.

"I was joking…I was joking. Don't go," she pleaded, her legs shaking below her – not because of the cold, but because she was terrified of the outcome of him leaving her life.

He stayed silent and the silence haunted and teased her. And the next couple of words mustered hung in the air for what seemed as an eternity. And he stepped down once more and her knees gave in and she used both hands to wipe away the never ending stream of tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry. Eli, Eli, Eli," she chanted over and over again, her shoulder shaking in rage and sadness and he, once more, came closer to the rode.

_Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me. Tell me. Eli, Eli, Eli._

And he stepped again.

_Please. Come back inside. Don't leave. Tell me. Please._

And again.

_No! If you leave, who will I be with when sick? Who will I love and care for? Who will I cook meals for?_

Again.

…_don't go. Please._

Once more.

_Why? Tell me!_

Finally.

The road was deserted in the early morning, noted Eli as he glanced from right to left, his legs moving to their own accord. And when she screamed the following words, his legs stayed glued to the ground, his mouth falling open and he brought his hand up to his mouth, cupping it.

"Just tell me why! Where are you going! Just…just come back inside Eli. We can make things work!"

And he turned around then, his face visible to her. Tears streamed down their faces and he looked at her devastated, fear etched in his face.

"I hurt you!" He yelled, drops of salty water falling to the ground.

The clouds up about grumbled, as snow began to fall. The frozen water fell on top of Eli's hair and shoulder and it caressed his cheek. And it melted and fell down, to his neck, wetting his shirt beneath his cloak. And he wasn't sure if it was a tear or not.

"…you never have, though," she choked out, her body shaking furiously – either by the cold surrounding her or the fact that she was _angry and terrified_. She wasn't sure anymore. "Not one time."

He bit his lip and looked down, his body shaking with rage. The tears falling down and caressing his cheeks were taunting him because he swore he wouldn't let himself turn into such a _pansy_. His bag fell to the floor then as he fell on his knees and held his head in his hands.

Clare looked down at him in awe.

_He was keeping it in all this time._

"…I have to go."

Blank.

"I need to."

"At least tell me why?"

"No, no. No, I can't do that," he said, his eyes closing shut.

"You never hurt me so…so, come one. Come one, come inside. It's cold. I can –"

"_Don't you get it Clare_? I'm leaving you. I'm leaving. Get that through your fucking head. I'm leaving your life because I can't stand your hurt face haunting my memories."

"No, you –"

"I _hurt_ you. You know I did. I've been hurting you ever since the accident."

"Don't leave me," she sobbed, her legs coming up to her chest, her arms wrapping themselves around them. Her head fell on her knees, as her tears fell and the snow stopped and the clouds stayed still.

And their breaths came out as a whispered love melody only they understood.

"Ever since then, Clare. Ever since. So…don't stop me."

She held on to her legs tighter.

He stood up, stumbling, and kneeled down to grab his bag.

Tighter.

And he turned, his broad back facing her.

And _tighter._

"…Bye."

"Tell me where you're going at least!" She yelled at him, standing up and stepping forward, her feet coming in contact with the first step of the stair case. The feel of snow was so refreshing; goose bumps ran down her spine. "Where?"

He stopped any movement. "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?"

"And if I tell you we could try again?"

All hell broke loose.

His hand came up to his chest and he clutched the fabric of his shirt. "Don't you dare talk about that, Edwards. Don't dare to bring that up. Not again. Not one single time. Just –"

"We can do this!" She screeched, raising her head up to see him once more. "We can. Just come back. Please."

"No! God fucking damnit Clare," he cried, loosing balance as he flopped down to the ground. "Stop it."

She made her way down the stairs and stood in silence, waiting for him to stand and compose himself. He turned on his heel and glanced at her eyes. Her chaste eyes. Her beautiful and mesmerizing orbs. And he felt something tick in his head and heart and soul.

"Kiss me one last time if you leave me and…and never come back. Kiss me and make love to me and tell me how you love me, Eli."

"No."

"Yes."

"I can't."

"…No?"

He shook his head. "Leaving you is hard for me, Edwards. You know that."

"Breaking your promise is worse, Eli," she retorted, her lips pursed in anger. "You're horrible and I…_hate you_."

He stepped closer and closer to her and as he came close enough to touch her skin – oh, how he ached to touch her one last time – he dug his nails in her waist.

"We're over…"

His lips pecked hers and it was pure bliss coursing through her body.

"I'm leaving these scars for you to keep."

His nails bore deeper into her opaque skin, her mouth falling open, letting him sweep his tongue inside her mouth to play with hers one last time.

"This is it," he gasped, his right hand rising to clutch her hair forcefully, making her bite her tongue at the sudden pull.

His kiss became more forceful as he brought his right hand down to her bottom, kneading it forcefully as well and then brought it back to her waist, his nails boring into her skin once more.

And he let go.

And Clare's world suddenly became filled with anguish.

"No," she breathed out as he smirked down at her for the last time. "Don't leave me like this."

He touched her forehead with his and whispered in the most soothing of ways, "I'm sorry, Plath."

"Hughes," she mumbled, crying again – though it surprised her, thinking she couldn't cry more.

"Forgive me."

"Never. Never. Never."

"Why?"

"Because you're leaving me behind when you promised you'll never leave!" She screamed, pushing him away from her. "You promised, remember? That you'd never leave me? After my mom got married and after Jake made my life a living hell and after Alli and I lost touch. You remember? Do you?"

He shook his head.

"What?"

"No. I don't remember. Sorry."

"I don't believe you!"

It was final as he turned for the last time and began to walk away from the small building.

"Don't you dare walk away from me Eli Goldsworthy!" She said, getting irritated.

You know when you were five and someone took away your favorite toy and you would throw a fit and you would begin to cry and you couldn't breathe because you felt worthless? Like that. She felt like that.

He smirked at his wife.

"Eli!"

And he smiled down at the floor.

"No!"

"And I love you, Clare. Remember that."

"_Eli_!"

And he turned the corner, Clare's screams subsiding as he walked farther and farther away. And a single tear fell down his cheek as snow began to fall again.

And he stepped forward.

And she promised to keep her scars locked away in her heart and memory.


End file.
